Guest Author Barbara Knobova

Make Peace With Your Relationship Past

Bad relationships, sad relationships, abusive relationships, painful break-ups, disappointments, cheating, lies, fights, tears, anger, hate, desperation, fear. I could carry on listing different kinds of relationships, as well as situations and emotions connected with them. There are few women who haven't experienced a frustrating relationship and although we all know that the best way is to deal with our feelings, learn and move on, it's usually easier said than done.

It's very difficult to start a new relationship if you still hold a grudge against your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. If you still feel pain and blame your ex for certain things that happened, it's like an emotional burden that can be extremely destructive for your attitude to dating and relationships and for your approach to men in general.

Maybe it's time for a thorough relationship cleanup and for serious healing. It takes some time but the first step is usually the most difficult one in the whole process and the following cleansing ritual will help you begin.

First step: Make a list of your ex-partners (and I mean all of them, even your high school sweetheart) from the worst to the best. Try to be as honest as possible. Think about your list for a while, think about each and every of your ex-partners and try to remember how you felt before the break-up, after the break-up and how you feel today. This will help you discover any lingering negative emotions that you might still have. Then write notes next to each name. What made your relationship go wrong?  How did he treat you? What did you blame him for? Try to remember everything upsetting or frustrating and put it down on paper. You can cry, fume with rage, laugh, scream. Feel all the negative emotions that have been hiding inside of you until now.

When you feel that your list is complete and all the emotions have been released, write on the same piece of paper the following healing statement:

I’m grateful for my past relationships because they helped me grow and realize what I want and what I’m looking for. Thanks to them I'm stronger and wiser.

Read this statement over and over again until you fully absorb it and until you fully feel it and believe it’s true. Then take the list, tear it to pieces, burn it, destroy it. You are destroying not just the list but also those old, toxic grudges.

I recommend you write this statement into your journal. It should become your mantra which you repeat to yourself each time those negative thoughts and emotions connected with your relationship past reappear in your head. This new, positive and empowering statement will soon replace all the negativity, you will feel more balanced and eventually you will reconcile with your past.

Remember, your past relationships do not define who you are but who you were. They have no influence or power over your present and future relationships, unless you let them linger in your subconscious mind. When you finally deal with them, you will be able to start all over again with a clean slate. And new beginnings always feel fabulous, don't they?